You talk the talk but will you walk the walk?

The workshop fail

On Friday I was running my free workshop - Overcoming the Procrastination-Burnout Cycle - and unfortunately there were issues. Most people couldn't join as there was a problem with the link, not sure what happened. It's been a while since I made a zoom meeting that wasn't recurring and things change.

There were some people in the call so I continued with the workshop, but I felt so nervous and confused about what happened. Especially since a lot of people had signed up!

I tried to do my best but I was rushing through it feeling completely awkward! There was very little interaction in the chat too as it is difficult when there are very few people there!

Also, my period started just before the workshop began so I was already pretty flustered, feeling rundown and not my best.

At first I felt somewhat ashamed, disheartened and very apologetic! The more the day progressed and I was able to think about it, the more I realised that this - like everything else in our lives - has happened for a reason.

I said I no longer felt that failing made me a failure, but you can say something until you're blue in the face it doesn't prove that that will be how you feel in the moment.

Was I going to take this failure as a personal fault, something that means I am unworthy and speak to myself unkindly like I used to? Or am I going to change how I see failures, like I said I have?

The Universe/God/Higher Selves (whatever word you want to use!) tests us, not to be cruel but to show us if we have changed and healed that part of us or if we need to do more work. It is asking you "You talk the talk but will you walk the walk?"

The Tests

I have experienced so many of these moments this past year especially as I worked on my new direction as a bodymind coach specialising in perfectionism, people pleasing, procrastination and burnout.

There were so many times where I needed to set new boundaries with people and had to face the backlash of that - was I going to stick up for myself, was I going to blame them or do it with kindness, was I going to back down when confronted?

Also, when I went to a wedding and everyone was drinking - was I going to remain sober because I care about my body, mind and health or will I drink to fit in?

Each test I faced I tried to react differently from how I used to, I was not only kinder and more compassionate to myself but also towards others - without fawning! I was able to be firm in my boundaries because, over the last 4 years, I have developed such a deep meaningful connection with myself that I felt safe, loved and accepted no matter what!

The lesson

So when the workshop "failed" did I feel like a failure - actually yes, for about an hour or so I felt absolutely miserable about the whole situation. I wanted to cry, so I did, I moaned about it, I thought about the reason behind it and eventually I processed it.

I never once blamed myself, called myself names or felt unworthy, imperfect or rejected - this was the difference! This is where I can see my healing work is paying off and I have changed how I treat myself!

In fact, I received an email straight after the workshop ended thanking me for it and telling me how helpful it was for them!

So instead of blaming myself and negatively talking to myself, pushing myself to fit in another workshop before I am ready, overworking and making myself sick I worked through the emotions I felt about it, I learnt from the experience, I felt proud and glad that I continued with the workshop regardless.

The Why

I journaled on what this experience taught me. Not only are things like this tests, but they are lessons, chances for you to dust yourself off and trying again! Change the way you do things, check that you set things up properly. Own up to the mistakes and be transparent - which led me to make a reel about it and share some of these thoughts and to apologise for the inconvenience.

This is not something that I will use to hold myself back or bring myself down. This is the fuel I needed to light the fire of passion in my heart and soul for this work. Going through the workshop and helping, even one person, reminded me of my "why". Why I do this! I love teaching people how to take care of their mind, body and soul. I love helping people to see that they are worthy regardless of what anyone has led them to believe. I love helping people let go of the limiting beliefs keeping them stuck, feeling miserable and hating their lives and themselves!

Because I was right there for so many years feeling like an unworthy failure! Trying to be perfect at everything, overachieving and burning myself out. To the point of severe chronic illnesses and depression. It breaks my heart to see others feeling the same way.

The takeaway

When we say we want to change we have to do the work, the inner child healing, the shadow work, nervous system regulation. When we say we love ourselves we need to mean it unconditionally. When we decide that we won't tolerate certain things we need to set boundaries!

Without the support from a coach and/or therapist you cannot feel safe to make these changes - I know I didn't for a really long time! If you are tired of feeling like a failure, judging yourself , feeling unworthy of love and acceptance it is time for you too to make a change.

Make some time for self care practices, start a gratitude diary, meditate, give yourself a break from the negative thoughts and limiting beliefs you have had for so many years and work on releasing them. Become emotionally intelligent by getting in touch with your emotional body and physical body. Learn to express and process these emotions in a safe and healthy way - reach out to a professional who can help you with this, like a bodymind coach!!

Show yourself love and acceptance by getting to know yourself, self awareness allows you to make these changes as you can get to the root of it all. Whose internalised voice is telling you that you aren't worthy? Well, they are lying!!

Inner child healing allows you to process the emotions, experiences and trauma that you faced as a child, through development and how it has impacted you as an adult. Shadow work involves accepting the parts of you that you are ashamed of, the parts you feel will be judged and rejecting by others. When in reality it is you who judge and reject yourself.

This deep inner work will allow you to build self awareness, feel safer expressing yourself and truly, madly, deeply love yourself!!

So, what can you do today to make a change?