The importance of Self Soothing

If we didn’t learn self soothing techniques as children, it becomes extremely difficult to regulate our nervous systems as an adult. When triggered by anxiety, pain and other traumatic events our nervous system becomes dysregulated and overstimulated. This results in an inability to equilibrate our emotions, especially when in highly stressful situations, like in the workplace or when our bodies display excessive symptoms. Most of the time, people use alcohol, drugs, comfort foods, even TV to wind down, however these habits cause a lot of other problems and do not regulate your nervous system effectively.

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Self soothing techniques are necessary, as we might not have somebody in that moment of stress to comfort us or we might not feel safe to be comforted by others. This could be due to traumatic events in our childhood and that we weren’t comforted the way we needed to be as children. This is why we often turn to external sources of comfort instead of developing efficient self soothing strategies.

Physical touch with others releases the happy hormones; serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins. When self soothing these hormones are also released, allowing you to feel comforted, loved, safe and secure. Therefore, the perceived threat that triggered us is no longer a problem, the nervous system reaches homeostasis and the stress we feel in our mind and body is resolved.

So how can we self soothe? Here are 10 ways I like to use:

1. Change my environment and go outside in nature

Sometimes removing yourself from the location of the trigger can be extremely beneficial. If possible, go outside, find a green space, or focus on breathing fresh air into your body. Finding a safe space to feel your emotions and reassure yourself will help to regulate and calm your body and mind. Thus, easing any discomfort that may arise.

1. Stretch and move my body

Move the energy through your body, go for a walk, stretch if you can, it doesn’t have to be anything complicated. Some body twists, neck rotations or a pose that you find comforting, like Child’s pose, would be really great at shifting your focus, moving any blocked energy out, and releasing endorphins that help to reduce stress.

1. Have a warm shower or a relaxing bath

Use warm water and be really mindful of how this feels on your skin, what does the soap smell like, put on some relaxing music, better yet sing along to release those emotions! If you choose to take a bath, put on a meditation instead of reading, be careful not to fall asleep though!

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1. Compliment yourself, bonus points for doing this in a mirror

Speaking compassionately to yourself, out loud, can help you to feel safe. Treat yourself like you would a friend, recognise your strengths and tell yourself what these are. You need to believe the things you say too. If I am struggling with this I tell myself that I am doing a good job, doing the best that I can and that these feelings will pass. Recognising and accepting the feelings and not trying to change them will help you to overcome the stressors.

1. Butterfly hug

Cross your arms and put your hands on your chest, alternate tapping each hand and focus on your breathing. If you can repeat the affirmations; “I am safe, I am secure, I am loved”

1. Focused breathing, with one hand on your heart and the other on your stomach

Breath in for a count of 3, hold for 4 and breathe out for a count of 5. Similar to box breathing, where you breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4 and hold for 4. This technique of focused breathing allows you to focus on your breathing (it’s right there in the name!) keeping you in the present moment. This stops you from spiralling and allowing the anxiety to take over, instead be mindful of the feeling of breathing in your body, how your hands rise and fall with your breath. Also, you get the added benefit of your hands making you feel safe, like a gentle hug.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” —Thích Nhất Hạnh

1. Speaking of being gentle with yourself through touch – brush your hair, stroke your face, hands and feet

Touching these parts of your body are most beneficial because there are thousands of nerve endings. Therefore, gentle touch can relax the nervous system. This will also make you feel more love for yourself, releasing more of those happy, happy hormones that we love!

1. Meditation and mindfulness

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If it’s possible to sit and meditate then go ahead and do this, meditation will regulate your nervous system in no time! However, if you are in public, or simply can’t sit with your thoughts through a meditation practice, try being mindful of your surroundings. Making a mindful and sensory practice can help ground you. List things you can see, hear, taste, smell, feel, this includes how you feel emotionally as well as how your clothing feels, if there is a breeze or sun on your face etc.

1. Soothing imagery, smells and sounds

Looking at something that is relaxing, maybe that’s going outside and looking at flowers and animals, maybe it is looking at a candle, maybe it is a piece of art you love or drawing something that calms you. Soothing smells and sounds are also important to making a sensory experience. I like to light a candle that is pretty, smells nice and, if it has a wooden wick, will sound pretty amazing too. Find what works for you here, perhaps it is to smell lavender oil and listen to relaxing music.

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1. Shaking your body

Move that energy out!! Shake your arms, legs, head, hands, bum, your whole body at once! Feels so good, it is fun and helps you to regulate your nervous system by resetting it. Trauma, stress and tension is released from the body. Dancing is also great, especially if you are moving your whole body.

Although some of these are not possible at the time of the triggering event, they can be done afterwards to maintain a calm and regulated nervous system, therefore relaxing your body and mind further.

It is important to allow your emotions to express in a safe way, identify how you feel, use a feelings wheel to do this. Allowing the feelings to pass naturally, forcing yourself to feel a certain way is only going to stress your body and mind more, further dysregulating your nervous system.

“Today I listen to my feelings, and I am gentle with myself. I know that all of my feelings are my friends” Louise Hay